Don't Say Goodbye
by CheesyDip15
Summary: "When I'm on the edge of insanity, I hope you'll come save me." Jade had told me this when we first started our relationship. I was always puzzled by this, not knowing what she meant or why she said this, but now, it couldn't be more clear.
1. Chapter 1

Jade West and I had a history in high school, not a good one of course, but quite a strong one. We were friends, we were enemies, but to us, it didn't really matter what people labeled us as. We were just… Jade and Tori. Two separate people with separate views on life; so, I guess you could say how we came to be girlfriend and girlfriend is still a mystery, at least to everyone else.

She was my moon, leading me on a dark and lonely night down a path I would never dare to take without her; and I was her sunshine on a cold day, shining down its rays and bathing her in my love. I don't know why it took us so long to officially get together, considering the way we understood each other. I guess we used what we knew about our views on life to help one another, it was like we were two puzzle pieces waiting to come together to complete the cracks in our own lives.

I still remember our first kiss; it was a rainy Tuesday, June 8th, 2013, all those years ago. It was slow, passionate, but still full of uncertainty, fear, and all that good stuff. It only lasted for ten seconds at most, but those ten seconds changed everything for the years to come.

I can't even remember why she came over to my house in the pouring rain, she had a reason though, but it's somewhere in the back of my mind where I'll probably never retrieve it. I could ask her, of course, though it would be difficult considering I never see her anymore.

Don't ask me, and don't ask her because neither of us knows why we called it quits. I suppose there is a reason, we just haven't figured it out yet; she tends to let go of things like this, things that don't have a reason. But I never really let it go, and if I'm being honest, I don't think she did either.

Of course this was the first time we dated, for a year and two months. We didn't talk for about another two, and by talk I mean actually talk, you know, have a conversation. We would sometimes run into each other around LA, or sometimes even out of state, which I always questioned.

The second time we tried dating, it was more of a mutual understanding.

_Flashback…_

_I feel empty. It could be because of this gloomy weather, or maybe the fact that I haven't eaten much all day. But deep down, I know it's not that; so, I pick up my phone and dial the only number that can make me smile and cry._

"…_Jade?" I question quietly, hearing her light breathing on the other side of the phone as a tear slips down my cheek. _

"_I know, Tori. I know." She whispers before the line goes dead._

_End flashback…_

She showed up at my house about twenty minutes later. We both cried, considering we hadn't held each other in a few years. Silent tears, quiet sobs, tightening arms and soft temple kisses filled the room for an hour. After that, we were back into the same routine as when we started dating. She would come over to my house that I inherited from my parents once they moved back to Florida.

Jade and I… we weren't like other couples, the complete opposite actually. She would come over to mine, or I would go over to her apartment in The Hills and we would hold each other for sometimes hours. Sometimes we would laugh, cry, or just sit silently, enjoying one another's presence. We would go on dates, but to places couples wouldn't ever go. We'd walk through the woods, holding hands, picking up rocks and throwing them into nearby rain water that had collected in small pools.

Oddly enough, we lasted for three years and nine months, just doing things that we could mutually agree on. We weren't a mushy couple, we didn't talk all the time about what was bothering us, but somehow we always knew what was wrong with the other. Of course with that being said, on our three year anniversary, Jade proposed to me and I said yes twelve times if I remember right.

We got married five months later in the middle of the woods, like in one of the Twilight movies. It was beautiful, perfect even. Cat, Andre, Beck, Robbie, Trina and both our parents were there, along with other friends and colleagues. They all congratulated us but all asked the same question,

_How?_

We could never give them an answer.

Shortly after getting married, we went on the most amazing honeymoon to Florida; we stayed in a Beach house. It rained the entire week we were there, but that didn't bother us, it just reminded us of how we came to be on that rainy Tuesday, June 8th, 2013.

Once we got back from our honeymoon, we tried for a baby, and of course everything worked out; Jade was pregnant with our baby girl Katrina Ann Elizabeth West; thanks to our wonderful friends fighting over names for months on end. Thankfully, Jade and I liked the name and everything was going fine until a snowy night on January 12th.

We were fighting over something stupid, and it wasn't just a small fight, it was probably the worst one yet. Chairs were thrown, bottles were shattered, couches were flipped and hearts were broken. Finally she left on her motorcycle, peeling out of the driveway and speeding down the road. She knew she had to be careful, with her carrying the baby and all, and I knew I had to be careful too, you know, make sure that I don't cause anything like what happened to happen.

I was picking up the mess, tears stinging my eyes when the phone on the wall rang. I picked it up, but ended up dropping it anyway. She had crashed her motorcycle, trying to avoid a swerving truck on the freeway. She was fine, minor injuries, but it was too late to do anything about Katrina.

That was over four months ago.

Jade and I got a divorce, but only did it through agents and social workers. It was messy, but it got done. I haven't heard from her at all since that night. Doctors say as soon as she was free to go, she picked up her motorcycle from the shop and left, and never came back. My friends and I looked for her up until about a month ago; I was the one who called off the search. They had all be confused and asked how I could do such a thing, but I knew that if Jade wanted to be found, she would have shown up by now.

I wake up now, sitting up in my bed. I walk down the stairs and head for the kitchen. Used to seeing Jade standing there with two cups of coffee, I sit at the table and let it all sink in that I'll never see that ever again. I don't cry anymore, not over this. Sure it sad, because it is actually, it's depressing, but moping and being a sobbing mess, I realize isn't going to solve my problems.

I make my own coffee, sweet as can be as I laugh to myself. Jade would be scolding me right now saying 'it's a disgrace to coffee everywhere to add that artificial shit' to such an amazing drink. Not going to lie, but I miss that, just Jade being Jade, and Jade being her, with me. I want to move on, but with her, it's never that easy. She was just, the only thing in my life I was never certain about, yet 100% certain about. She was different in an aspect, and I admired her for that.

I sigh lightly as I take my last drink of the tan, Luke-warm liquid in my cup. I stand, pull my robe tighter against my body and make my way out to the mail box.

"Junk… Bill Collectors… Junk… Ads… Reader's Digest…Jade… wait, Jade?" I pull a confused face as I look at the address of which it was sent from; yep, definitely her apartment in The Hills. I lick my lips and take the mail back inside.

Throwing the rest on the couch, I take Jade's letter and sit at the table with it, just staring at it, observing. Five minutes I sit there, taking in what could end something or start something all over again. And I'm not sure I'm ready for any of those conclusions yet. Finally, I reach down and pick the envelope up, spinning it in my hands once or twice.

I rip it open and pull the paper out.

_When I'm on the edge of insanity, I hope you'll come save me._

Jade had told me this when we first started our relationship. It always puzzled me in ways that we're still too complex for me to figure out. I couldn't figure out what she meant or why she said this, but now, it couldn't be more clear.

**Chapter One: Complete. Do you guys want me to continue?**


	2. Chapter 2

When I was seventeen, I started Hollywood Arts as a senior. In order, I met Cat first, Andre, Robbie, Beck and then Jade. I had to say, they all seemed like nice people, but Jade was different, she was quiet, and that confused me because everyone said to watch out for her. Stupidly enough, I listened, only for a few weeks though.

I knew something was bugging her, but whenever I would ask my friends about it, they didn't know, they just thought it was her being Jade, but I knew that wasn't it. It took me a while for her to let me in, months actually, but when she did, we were friends but we weren't. If she needed someone to comfort her, I was there; and if she needed to be left alone, I kept my distance. No one really understood our whole friends but not friend's relationship, but we didn't care much at all.

It was five months after I started talking to her that she finally told me what was bugging her.

Her parents were going to have another kid, a baby girl to be exact. Her Mom was six months pregnant when they got into a crash and her Dad died, as did the baby; her Mom was so grief stricken that she disappeared off the face of the earth, leaving Jade all alone.

Jade eventually got foster parents, but she said it wasn't the same. She would have rather had her real parents at our wedding, which broke my heart.

On December 6th, 2014, Jade showed up at my house covered in a light blanket of snow. I remember being puzzled both from why Jade was here and why it had snowed in LA; but all my thoughts were interrupted when jade took off her jacket and hugged me tighter than ever. We sat on the couch and held each other for what seemed like forever, but I didn't mind.

_Flashback…_

"_Tori?"_

"_Yeah?" I whisper as she turned to me with tears in her eyes._

"_When will this go away, the sadness I mean?" I smiled sadly as I wiped her tears away._

"_I'm not sure, baby. I'm sorry you're all alone." She placed her hand on my cheek and brought our faces so close we might as well have been kissing._

"_I'm not alone, Tor. I have you."_

_End flashback…_

She kissed me then and gently pushed me back on the couch. That was the first time Jade and I made love. Everything was slow, soft and loving, and to this day it is the most special moment of my life. I eventually told my parents about it; we were expecting screaming, crying and things of the sort, but there was none of that; they were completely supportive of our relationship; reason number ten thousand why I love my parents.

Trina, on the other hand was apprehensive about the whole Jade, Tori, Tori, Jade thing, but she eventually came around after she made Jade prove to her that she would never break my heart. It still reigns true; she hasn't broken my heart, well, at least not as much as I have broken hers.

_Ring._

I glance down at the table where I placed the letter and my phone; caller ID reads unknown number. I raise my eyebrow but answer anyways.

"Hello?"

"T-Tori?" That voice, it's Jade.

"Jade…" I breathe into the phone, running my free hand down my thigh to rest on my knee.

"It hurts, it hurts so much and I-I… can't do it anymore. God, it was all my fault! I don't know how I could have been so stupid… oh god, I'm sorry… I'm just so sorry…" She cries.

"Calm down, Jade. Where are you?" I ask calmly, although my heart was beating out of my chest.

"I shouldn't have said what I said that night. If I didn't then… then this wouldn't have been happening. We would have our baby girl an-and…"

"Jade, please. Where are you? You need to tell me." I state firmly as she sniffles.

"I-I'm at our place, the tree house. Just… hurry please, I need to see you…" I bite my lip, fighting back my own tears.

"Okay, okay, I'll be there soon. Wait for me, alright?"

"Y-Yeah, alright." And then I hang up. I run a shaky hand through my hair and text Beck and Cat, considering they know Jade better than the rest of our friends.

_Operation two six eight two zero one three is a go. _

I hit send and I know they'll take care of the rest; seeing if Andre, Robbie and Trina are available to help out in this situation. The operation numbers are according to the day Jade and I first kissed; two for Tuesday the second day of the week, six for the sixth month and so on and so forth. I came up with it as a backup plan for when and if things with Jade ever did go haywire, I thought it was pretty helpful, but I guess we're about to find out.

I run upstairs, put a hoodie and some sweat pants on, grab an extra hoodie for Jade and grab the operation two six eight two zero one three black duffel. I run back downstairs and pull my shoes on before getting my keys and heading towards our place.

The drive takes about forty minutes, and ten minutes in, I receive a text back from both Cat and Beck.

_Copy that_

I would have laughed at how army instructor this sounded, but I just couldn't find it in me right now.

I drive for another half hour when I reach the edge of woods. I know my way by heart now, of course following small landmarks and watching the direction of the sun. I walk for twelve minutes until I can finally see the base of our tree and Jade sitting against it, her head buried in her knees.

"Jade!" I call out as she lifts her head. Her eyes are red and puffy, her hand is bleeding pretty badly and she looks exhausted. I run over to her, place the stuff next to the tree and kneel next to her. "Oh god, Jade…"

"I'm sorry…" She whispers as I reach into the black duffel bag and pull out a first-aid kit. I get out the anti-itch-anti-infection spray, 2' by 2' gauze and medical tape.

"Don't apologize. What happened to your hand?" I ask as I open the gauze packages.

"Punched a tree." I sigh as I begin treating the angry red and purple marks on her right knuckles. We sit in silence for a while after I wrap her hand up, me finally sitting beside her my knees pulled to my chest as well, trying to get a hold of the situation. Finally, after what seems like forever, I ask,

"How are you feeling?"

"Shitty." She says with no emotion.

"Wrong question, sorry."

"It's fine." She says, but I know it's not fine, nothing is fine. We sit in another, uncomfortable, comfortable silence before she breathes out and says, "Torbear?"

I smile at that, it was the nickname she choose for me for when we were out here, just her and I.

"Yes, Jaybird?" I ask gently.

"Can you hold me now?"

"Come here." And then we sit, in complete relaxing silence, just radiating heat for one another, even though it was warm enough.

Some people might see this as stupid, childish, a waste of time, but to us, it was our time, just our time, no one else's. Just her and I, and in that moment, that was the only thing that made sense.

_3:47 pm..._

We're in my car now, only thirteen minutes away from my house. I knew what would be waiting for us, and the thought made me smile. We really did have some pretty amazing friends, as if I hadn't acknowledged that yet.

We pull into my driveway and I bring the things inside, and throw them behind the stairs. Jade's sitting on the couch, an unreadable expression on her face, which scares me because I can always figure out what she's thinking. Now it feels like she's put up even more walls, unbreakable walls that maybe even I can't find a way through. I sit next to her anyways, leaving a small amount of space.

I look at the table and there's a pizza box, steam still coming off it, two large coffees, Jade's laptop, a pair of scissors and some flowers. I smile again, a brief one, but a smile nonetheless.

"Are you hungry?" I ask as I stand up, shoving my hands in my sweat pants pockets. She nods and I walk quietly over to the table and get two plates, one with meat lovers, and the other with plain cheese. I grab the coffees and head back over to the couch. "Here…"

"Thank you." We eat, again in silence. So much silence should bother a normal couple, or even a normal person, but I know that is not the case with us.

_4:24 pm…_

"Penny for your thoughts?"

"That's a very dangerous proposition; a penny to get inside my head? Big mistake." I nod, because I know it's dangerous, but I need to know regardless.

"Maybe it is, but sometimes you have to take the plunge." And now she's smiling a little because she knows I get her, I understand her like no one else can, and that thought alone makes me smile, too.

"You really want to know what I'm thinking, Vega?" She asks softly as I nod. "Well, I'm thinking about how fucked up I am. How fucked up everyone else thinks I am, and how fucking stupid I can act. You know, people always tell me if I would have taken everything that's happened to me a different way, I wouldn't be so messed up right now. But then I think, how else was I supposed to take it? I lose my parents, my baby sister, our baby and you. How do you take all that the _right way_?"

I cross my hands in my lap and sigh. "There is no right way to take it. There's only the wrong way, the way that no one wants to take so they find an alternative, except for you and I, there was no alternative route. There's a path that branches into a million other paths, as if they were giving us options, but we end up in the same place anyway."

"Why only for us?" She whispers.

"I don't know, Jade. I just don't know."

**Chapter 2: Finished. Please review and tell me what you thought of this chapter. Am I pointing this in the right direction? Also, if anything is confusing to you, I'll clear it right up. Thanks guys, hope you enjoyed. **

**Coming up for next chapter: What is Jade not telling Tori? **


	3. Chapter 3

I never thought things would end up like this, you know. I guess no one ever does. But maybe that's the problem; no one expects the worst outcomes and when the worst does happen, they're not prepared for it, so they take it harder than they would have if they would have kept an open mind to every possibility.

Like, I never thought that Jade would crash her motorcycle, and Katrina would die. That's why I took that and Jade's absence so hard; I never saw any of it coming.

I love Jade, and she loves me, but it's like our love is tearing us apart more than bringing us together. I don't know if I'll ever understand why that is, but maybe I'm not meant to.

"You hate me, don't you?"

"No. No, I do not." I reply simply, licking my lips. "But, I'm kind of… upset with you."

"Oh?"

"…Yeah."

"And why's that? You think this is all my fault or something?" She questions irritably. I turn to her and raise an eyebrow.

"I never said that."

"But you meant it, right?" I scoff and stand up.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" We don't talk for a while, five or ten minutes maybe. We just it and stare anywhere at each other. I have no idea what she's thinking, but my mind keeps replaying the night that ended it all. It's like a broken record, and I want it to stop… but it just… doesn't.

_Flashback…_

"_Well, I don't see why you're making such a big deal out of this, Jade!" I yell, pressing my hands harder against the tile of the granite island. She stands and throws the remote against the wall._

"_Because! I'm not fucking crazy, Tori!" _

"_Oh, is that so? Yes, Jade, you're not fucking crazy, you're normal; completely normal. Because every normal person constantly writes about committing suicide, saying how you wonder what it's like to be dead. Jesus Christ, open your god damn eyes, Jade. You're not fucking normal!"_

_She's fuming, and I'm clenching my teeth, I'm tired of this shit._

"_Oh, fuck you. Just fuck you. You're not a jewel either, little miss perfect shiny fucking sunshine. Why don't you lift up your god damn sleeves and go get pity from someone else. What do you even have to be depressed about? Huh? Did you lose your entire family? No? I didn't think so. So, tell me, Vega, what is so hard about being you!"_

"_Shut up! You know, I had to give up my entire career to be with you? Because you're so fucking broken you might as well be a pile of rubble; a bitchy, depressed, suicidal pile of rubble. God, you asshole, I work at a fucking gas station and a bar trying to support you and our baby. Do you even have any idea what it's like? Oh wait, no you don't, you just sit in your stupid room in the dark crying over something that happened fifteen years ago. Just let it go already!"_

"_Let it go? Did you just… tell me to let it go? Yes, Tori, I'll just let it go. Oh my god, see! Everything's so much better now! You just cured me, you should be a fucking therapist."_

"_As long as I don't have to be yours, fine." I throw the bottle in my hand across the room. "I wouldn't dare put that burden on anyone. By the end, they'd be more fucked up than you."_

_She crying now, but they're angry tears, as are mine._

"_You little fucker. Have you ever considered that possibly this is why I want to be dead?"_

"_Oh, let's face it Jade. You already are dead." She lets out a low growl and rushes over to me. We have a stare off for a few seconds before she slaps me and pushes me so I collide with the counter._

_And then she leaves._

_End flashback…_

I let a tear fall from my eye and onto the floor. That night was the definition of depressing.

"Vega."

"What?" I question, sitting back on the couch.

"Let me see your arms." I shake my head, biting my lip. "Let me see your damn arms."

"I said no!" But she grabs my wrist and lifts up the hoodie sleeves anyways, revealing healing scars.

"Seriously, what the hell? These are recent, like five weeks recent. What was so bad this time?"

I glare at her and pull my arm away, rolling the sleeves back down.

"You don't get it, do you?"

"Obviously not; enlighten me."

"You left me alone, Jade! Just like what your Mom did to you, you did to me! How could you?"

And then a look of shock finds its way across her face. Tears well up in her eyes, but mine are already reaching the couch. We turn away from each other, staring at the wall, time passes. Seconds, minutes, it doesn't matter; this isn't ever going to go away. Whoever said time is the best healer obviously didn't know us.

"Oh my god I- fuck, shit… Tori, I'm-I'm so sorry… I didn't mean to I just… I wasn't thinking. God, you must hate me. You _have to_ hate me… I hate myself right now…"

"Jade, please stop. It's fine." I swallow.

"No, it's not. Nothing like that is just fine, Tor."

She's right, it's not fine, it never will be fine. But what good is it going to do to argue right now? So, I don't talk, I don't move, I just let my mind drift off somewhere else.

_Four days later…_

Jade left after she had said that. I don't know where she went, and I don't know why I repeatedly stare at the note she left. Or well, maybe it's better to say why I'm not shredding it to pieces.

_Tori, I know things have been hard, and 79% of it is my fault, no more, no less. You made me happy, you know, but I'm not meant to be happy. You on the other hand, you are happiness, whether you believe it or not. I dragged you down under so far, I feared I had prevented you from seeing the surface again. With me out of your life, I know you'll see the light of day again, not just a glimmer of hopeless light in the dark shadows. _

_The world we live in is an illusion, people just seem happy, but on the inside, there's always something darker and more powerful than they want to admit to. But as you know, the case with you and I is different; other people find some way to hide it, but for whatever reason, we embrace it. I'll never be able to tell you why, but maybe someday you'll be able to tell me. That night was a huge breaking point, but you're stronger than you seem, Tori, believe me. I'm asking this as your friend, please don't try to save me, because you'll destroy yourself in the process and I won't let that happen. _

_I was planning on telling you this, but I never got around to it. The night Katrina died; my Mom somehow got a hold of me. We talked for a while and eventually came to an understanding. As soon as I talked to you and cleared things up, I would move to England with her. I never planned on staying, Tori, and I'm sorry if you thought I would. I love you with my entire heart, soul and body, and I'll never stop, but being around you, or being with you isn't going to fix either of us. I know you know this too. _

_My leaving probably feels like a big thing right now, but you see, it's not the big things we remember in the end. It's the small things that matter the most. With time, you won't feel so alone anymore, Tori. I promise._

_Jade_

Little did she know, I feel more alone now than ever.

_Nineteen days later…_

I lay wide awake in my bed, staring at the clock, watching the seconds tick away; hoping that each second will bring happiness, but it never does. I sigh deeply and go into the bathroom and take a shower, letting the hot water run over me, to try to fix me. No surprise, it doesn't work. The only thing that can fix me is Jade; but she's gone, and she's not coming back.

I get out of the shower, put some fresh pajamas on and crawl back into bed as I think back to twenty-three days ago.

_Flashback…_

_She hands me a folded up paper. "Don't read it until I leave."_

"_Leave? You're leaving?" I ask quietly as she nods. _

"_Yeah… I guess this is goodb-"_

"_No, don't do that. Please don't say it. Don't say goodbye, Jade, please!" I cry, hot tears stinging my eyes. She pulls me into her, my head on her chest as she strokes my hair and whisper in my ear to stop crying. I try not to fall asleep, but I can't help it. Her heartbeat is music to my ears._

_When I wake up, I'm in my bed and she's gone. The note tightly clenched in my hand, I turn on the bedside lamp table and unfold the note._

_End flashback…_

I rub my face with my hands and text Cat.

_Code one_

I get a reply a few minutes later.

_What's that mean?_

I let the tears run freely as I text back.

_I just need one person to care…_

**Chapter 3: Done. To me, this chapter seems weird. I don't know why, it kind of seems disjointed and over angsty. Tell me in a review what you think. If you all feel the same, I will gladly re-write the chapter, no problem. But then again, if you like it, even better. Thanks again you guys for all the support. **

**Coming up for the next chapter: A blast from the… future? ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

"_Hello?" I call out into the darkness of my living room as I descend down the stairs. No one answers, but I can hear light breathing. I step down the last stair and reach around the corner for the light switch. I flick it on and scream._

"_Whoa, Tori… shh, you'll wake yourself up. I recommend that you don't do that since this dream is kind of important but, you know, do what you want." She says with a smirk. _

"_J-J-Jade…. I-I... holy mother of ho-how?" I sputter out, trying to catch my breath as my eyes look over the figure standing in front of me. "God, you're hot."_

"_What was that?"_

"_N-Nothing." And she nods, a smirk still in place. She sits on the couch and pats the spot next to her. I gulp and sit by her, crossing my hands in my lap and smiling nervously at her. I have so many questions, but I don't know how to ask them, so I stay quiet. _

"_You know why I'm here?"_

"_Uh… not really?" I say, a confused look on my face. "I suppose you're going to tell me though."_

"_You're so smart, Vega, did I ever tell you that?"_

"_Actually y-"_

"_Try not to talk so much, baby. Anyways, I'm the future Jade and I'm here to tell you about, well, your future." She shrugs._

_I laugh, because seriously, what kind of bullshit is this? _

"_Yeah, sure, alright. You're the future Jade."_

"_I'm happy, how else would you explain that?" I stop laughing and give her an apologetic smile, because she's right. _

_We talk for awhile, just about how it's possible that I'm having a dream like this, and she told me that it's my self-conscious trying to tell me the right things to do if I ever want to be fully happy again. Or, you know, something like that. _

"_Alright, tell me what I need to do."_

"_Well, for starters, stop moping around and at least try to get me back. Um, you're going to have to do some soul searching, you know, just, find yourself or whatever. Take your time figuring out your plan, otherwise it won't work. Oh, yeah, you're going to have to find out how to outsmart my Mother because she is one tough bitch, trust me."_

"_Oh… okay… but, wait, how do I know where to find you?" I ask, scrunching my eyebrows._

"_Read over your past carefully and you'll know exactly where I am." She says with a smile before standing up and brushing her deep blue jeans off. "Okay, so when I snap, you're going to wake up got it?"_

"_Yeah, oka- wait!"_

"_What, Vega?"_

"_Do I get a goodbye kiss?" I ask with a shy smile. She sighs and motions for me to get up. I do and she kisses my forehead._

"_Good luck, babe." And then she snaps her fingers._

"Holy shit!" I scream as I shoot awake. I can feel my hair stuck to my forehead from sweat as I let out a sigh.

"Tori? Are you okay?" Someone calls from upstairs as I fall off the couch.

"W-What? Who's there?" I call out as I stand up, pushing my hair back. Cat comes running down the stairs, a concerned look on her face.

"Oh! It's me, Cat. Remember, you kind of asked me to come over?" I sigh and nod, as both of us take a seat on the couch. "You okay?"

"Uh… yeah, I'm fine thanks. It's just… I had a dream that Jade, well the future Jade, told me how I could find her and n-"

"Wait, wait, and wait; the _future Jade_?" I take a breath and nod. "Um… alright continue then…"

"Okay… but we talked for a little bit and she said if I want to find out where she is I have to read over the past carefully, but I don't get it."

Cat sighs and we sit for a while. I don't know how I'm going to find her, work out a plan and outsmart her bitchy Mother, but I should figure it out and fast. I'm an emotional, physical and mental wreck without that Woman.

"Anything else?" She asks.

"Oh yeah, she said I need to 'find myself' first, figure out a plan to get her back and… outsmart her Mom."

"You know something Tori?"

"What?"

"This is the happiest I think I've seen you in a while." I let out a muffled laugh as she places a hand on my shoulder. "So, let's get your girl back."

**Jade's POV**

It's been almost two weeks since my Mom and I have moved into a 'huge castle' on the rocky hills of Manchester, England and I fucking hate it. I thought that living with her would keep my mind off of _her _but, this is utter hell.

"Jadelyn, get your ass down here!"

"Oh, great." I mutter before walking out of my room, down the hall, taking a right and then down the stairs and into the kitchen. "What do you want?"

"I want to know what the hell is wrong with you!" She fumes, placing her hands on her hips dramatically.

"Nothing. Can I go now?" I try to say politely as possible, hoping that for once she would just let it drop.

"No, not until you tell me why you've been acting like your world just fucking fell apart, because it's getting really fucking annoying, I just want to have a normal child I can actually stand being around."

My mouth falls open as I try to come up with something to say. And I thought I was a bitch.

"It's that girl's fault, isn't it? That Vega girl." She says with disgust as I clench my fists. "She was never good for you anyway, I mean look at you! Just because I wasn't around doesn't mean I couldn't keep tabs on you. Oh, and Jade? You really shouldn't leave your diary right on your bed."

"Y-You read my diary!?" I scream as she shrugs.

"I had to know what was going on with you!"

"No! No Mom, you don't! That's not your job anymore; you lost that right a long time ago when you left me to fend for myself thirteen years ago. I was fifteen, Mom, fifteen! I was so lost for two years until I met Tori, she saved me. She picked up the pieces that everyone else just pushed to the side, and you have the _fucking nerve _to call her 'that Vega girl' and say that she was never good for me? Well, news flash Mom, she's the only person that's good for me. And I can't believe I left _her _to come here with _you._"

"Go to your room! NOW!" So I do, I run up the stairs, follow the hallway back into my room and slam the door. I flip the lights off, sit on my bed and turn on the lamp next to my bedside table. I grab my diary from behind me and open it to the first page where a picture of Tori and I falls out. I stare at it, feeling tears behind my eyes. It was the day we had finished building our tree house. I remember it pretty well, she had gotten a paper cut, I told her to stop being a baby and then kissed her. It was the first time I told her I loved her.

_Fuck._

"Stop… stop crying." I whisper as tears fall into my lap. I put the picture back in the first page and find the next page in the book. I pull a pen out from the table drawer and begin writing.

_I don't know why I do this to myself, the torture I mean, it's like I love hurting myself or something. But that doesn't make any fucking sense right? You can't just… love hurting yourself, can you? God, I'm so fucked up. _

_I need her back, I know that, but maybe she's happy without me. I did tell her to move on after all, and she's a smart girl so she probably did. Or, at least starting to, which is good because that's what she needed, I suppose. I just hate being the overhanging shadow to anyone I've ever met. Tori was right when she said I'm already dead… because I just feel so, empty…_

I drop the pen, wipe my eyes and close the book, putting it back under my pillow. I fall back on the bed and look at the intricate over hang that's attached to the bedposts. Tori doesn't deserve me, I know that, but I need her, and this scares the shit out of me because I've never _needed_ someone like this. There's no way this can be healthy.

Eventually I fall asleep for a while, and when I wake up, it's the middle of the night. I grab my phone, knowing it's the middle of the day for anyone back in America, and text Cat.

_Hey…_

_Hey Jadey (:_

_Don't call me that. How are you?_

_Sorry. I'm fine, and you? _

_Great._

_Don't say that._

I raise my eyebrow as I text back.

_What, why?_

_Because I know you aren't._

God damn Cat with her 'always knowing what's wrong with her best friend' shit.

_Smart girl, Valentine._

_Yeah, I know. So, what are you going to do?_

_About what?_

_Really?_

_Ugh, sorry. I don't know, okay? She's better off without me. _

_Don't be so sure. _

I don't text her back, but rethink what she had said. 'Don't be so sure.' Could mean a lot of things; but then again, how would she know.

**Chapter 4: Over and out. Jade's feeling the heat with her Mom, but at least she has figured out that she needs Tori, but will she act on those knowing feelings? Sorry for any mistakes by the way.**

**Coming up for the next chapter: What is Jade's Mother doing with a one way ticket to hell? ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Tori's POV**

I don't know how long I've been sitting in my room, the door locked, lights off with a pillow clutched to my chest trying to figure out how I could possibly know where Jade is, but it seems like forever. I asked Cat to come over again because… I just don't like being alone anymore.

_Knock_

I raise my head and look into the dark room where my door is.

_Knock knock_

"Tori… can I come in?" I sigh, stand up and walk towards the door, flipping the light switch on as I open it. "Are you okay, you've been in here for a long time?"

I nod and motion for her to come in; she does and sits on the edge of my bed as I shut the door. "Yeah, I'm okay, I promise." I smile, but I know she can tell its fake because she's looking at me incredulously.

"Listen, I told Jade the same thing, so I'm going to say it to you too; don't say you're okay."

"Why not?" I question with a defeated sigh as I sit next to her.

"Because, I know it's not true. "

I let out a shaky breath as tears start to roll down my cheeks. She gives me a hug and I just sit and cry for, god knows how long until she stand up and sighs irritably.

"Alright, this is not going to keep happening. I know that it hurts, okay? But, you can't just expect for the Jade to fix all of this, because, well, didn't she ask for your help? And besides, you guys are Jade and Tori, you always will be no matter how bad things seem, right? You guys can't keep breaking up like this, because it's not healthy. It's like… you guys like feeling pain, and I'm not one to judge, but that's not okay… you can't just sit here and cry and wish that she'll be your… oh, god, how do I put this… princess in shining armor… yeah that works-"

"Uh… Cat?"

"No, can I finish please? You guys both have to help the other here. And don't tell me that she doesn't feel the same way; I mean you guys can't even function without each other. She's in denial and you're just… for god sakes, you're a mess. I am so _fucking tired_ of being the mediator here. I'm your guys' friend and I'll always be here for you two no matter what, and I'll help you through no matter what, but this isn't my battle, it never was. So, Tori Vega, you need to get off your ass and go get what you've been chasing for the longest time."

I don't say anything, I don't move, I don't even blink. I cannot believe what just came out of her mouth; I've never heard her swear or even say anything that would require above an IQ of 65, so where this came from, I'll never be able to answer.

"Y-Yeah... okay." I stutter out, swallowing hard. She nods and runs a hand through her hair, the red strand falling against her back. "So… um, now what?"

"We get to work." She says as I nod slowly.

_Two hours later…_

Nothing. We come up with absolutely nothing. I throw the journal in my hand back into the box and rest against the wall. I just want this to stop; all the searching, the crying, the pain, I want it all to go away and I just want Jade… just her, no one else. And I know that sounds selfish, but no one knows what it's like to have someone who is your entire life and means so much to you to just leave, especially after what happened. You just feel so… deserted, empty, alone.

_Ring_

I look at Cat, my eyebrow raised as she picks up her phone. I wait a few seconds while she sits and listens to the person on the other line.

"Can you give me a minute, please?" I nod and walk out of my room and slide against the closed door. I don't really hear anything other than the occasional groan and sigh. After a good fifteen minutes she opens the door and says I can come back inside.

"Who was that?" I ask as she shifts uncomfortably.

"No one."

"Cat…" I warn, raising an eyebrow at her.

"I'll tell you… later." She says dismissively as I roll my eyes.

"Fine."

**Jade's POV**

I feel like I'm in the movie Titanic; the people in the boats, just sitting and waiting for an absolution. I don't know what to do, I don't know where to go… I'm basically waiting to live or die. And this all depends on Tori.

"Tori." I whisper sadly. "Fuck this."

I swipe the things on my desk on to the floor and put my head on the table. I can't do this; I just need to talk to her, even if it's just for a second. I grab my phone out of my pocket and send her a text.

_Tori?_

It isn't long before I get a reply.

_Jade?_

_Uh, yeah. How are you?_

_I'm… okay. What about you?_

_Been better. Can I ask you something?_

_Shoot._

I swallow hard as I type the question. "Come on, Jade, you can do this…"

_What would you say if I told you I still love you…?_

_I'd say you're crazy._

_Oh. So I'm crazy, pretty, and demented?_

_Exactly._

I laugh; like an actual laugh and it feels… nice for once. And I know, now that she still loves me; I'm telling you, it's probably the greatest feeling in the whole god damn world.

_I'm going to call you later, okay?_

_Yeah, alright. _

I hit send and lay back in my chair, a content smirk on my face until I hear a knock on my door. I groan, stand up and open the door revealing my Mother who is wearing the same smirk I was a few seconds ago.

"Jadelyn."

"Mother." I nod in her direction, a curious look on my face. She walks past me, I roll my eyes and shut the door, leaning against it as she sits on my desk chair. "Is there something you needed or…?"

"Indeed there is. I have a proposition for you, want to hear it?" She asks as she clasps her hands together; I nod and cross my arms.

"Okay, here it is. I have a ticket for you to take a train somewhere. I know you hate living here with me, and well, you're not exactly a walk in the park either; or perhaps should I say a walk in the _woods._" I clench my teeth and she's smirking; it's annoying the shit out of me and I just want to smack the arrogant look right of her fucking face for reading my diary. "As I was saying, we obviously don't get along too well, so, how would you like to move out of here and move into your own house in Southport?"

I consider my options here; I can move into the house in Southport, wherever the hell that is, or stay here with my asshole of a Mother. Although the options _clearly _outweigh each other, I'm sure there's some kind of catch so I ask, "So, you're giving me a one way ticket to hell? What are you getting out of this?"

"Oh, sweetie nothing really, just keep in mind that if you do decide to move out, you won't be seeing that girlfriend of yours because no one's going to give you money to go and see her. Whereas, being the wonderful Mother that I am, if you stay here with me I'll give you enough money to visit her once every four months for a week."

"She's not my girlfriend…" I mutter. "And I see you're not completely heartless."

She sighs and I lick my lips. "Listen, Jadelyn, the reason I left you alone after… that night was because I couldn't stand seeing you. I lost the love of my life and our little girl, I couldn't face you. I know it was the wrong thing to do, and I feel like a fucking ass for abandoning you. I'm willing to try a bit here, but I'm telling you right now, I do _not_ approve of your relationship with Tori."

"Why? You just freaking said you'd give me money to go see her if I stay!" I say exasperatedly.

"Because I want you to have something to smile about once in a while, Jesus; just because we don't get along does not mean that I don't want to see you happy." She shrugs and I sigh.

"Okay… then why don't you approve of our relationship, she saved me Mom, she helped me when no one even gave a second thought about crossing the line into insanity. She did and now, she's battling her demons just as much as I am, so why don't you understand that she is the only person for me?"

"You don't see it do you?" I shake my head. "She may love you and you may love her, but its love like yours that tears you two apart."

And for once, just once and _only_ once will I admit that my Mom has said something that left me speechless. This makes me sick because it's the god damn fucking truth, and I don't deal well with the cold hard truth; especially not when it has to do with Tori.

"On that night, your Father and I were arguing over something so stupid; so fucking stupid and I wasn't paying attention to the road. I took my eyes off the road for three seconds; one to look at him, one to slap him and one to tell him that I hated him. And that was it for us. We were so in love, Jadelyn… you remember when you were little and we would always do things together, as a family? I would always look at your Father, then at you and whisper that I love you both. I'm sorry for being so cold towards you now, I'm not nearly the same person anymore. There's just so much pain…" She trails off as she chokes a sob back. Tears are welling in my eyes and I can't stop them from falling. I've never seen my Mom so… sad, and that makes me sad. I thought I'd never see the day where I forgive her for what she did, but now, there's no way that I _can't _not forgive her.

I walk over and hug her, and we just stand in the middle of my room hugging each other… until my phone rings. We pull apart as I look at the caller ID…

"It's Tori…" I look at her and she wipes her eyes and puts a hand on my shoulder.

"You do what you need to do, but remember what I told you." She pats my shoulder once before leaving the room. I let out a breathy sigh as I click answer…

**Chapter Five: Tackled. I'm really sorry this took so long to get out to you guys, but school and football has been kicking my ass. I'm going to try my hardest to get the next chapter out very soon. **

**Tori is content on getting Jade back, and is willing to do anything to make that happen. While, Jade and her Mother finally talk things out and come to some sort of understanding. **

**Coming up for the next chapter: Will Mrs. West's words make Jade think twice about her 'relationship' with Tori? Or will love consume her heart again?**


	6. Chapter 6

When I first met Tori, something changed; I don't know what, but I do know why. She smiled at me when she shook my hand, I smiled back and I knew, I just knew that she was going to care like no one else ever had the courage to.

The first months of being a senior were hard, not only because of the difficulty of the classes or the stress, but because leaving high school meant that I would have to be on my own, be an adult. I wasn't a kid anymore, and it scared me because I didn't have my parents to guide me anymore. Things got worse, of course; my Borderline Personality Disorder was escalating and I stopped taking my Bi-polar medication.

I had a plan to kill myself at the end of the year because even though I knew my friends cared about me, they didn't know what was really going on, I had them fooled that everything was okay, and they believed me. I had five months to go until the end of year, so I played it out like I was fine, but Tori, she knew… she actually _knew_ that I wasn't. I don't know how, and I don't care. And for the longest time, I didn't want anyone to care because I knew that they wouldn't understand, and then she came along and she understood, and I let her care.

The day after graduation, I walked three miles in the pouring rain with one objective; to thank her for everything. By the time I got to her house, the sun was setting. I rang her doorbell, she answered and that was it. I opened my mouth to thank her, but I kissed her instead. God knows what the hell possessed me to do that, but I'm glad I did.

Now, I'm not going to lie and say that my whole body felt like it was on fire, because it wasn't. I was freezing, my hands were rough, I was drenched and smelled like a forest, as she explained it. But all it took was that one kiss to launch myself into a strangely inviting black hole of uncertainty. But I'm going to tell you this, scientists are wrong. Black holes do come to an end; you just keep getting sucked into another one.

I run a hand through my hair as I blink the sleep out of my eyes. Sitting up in my bed, I reach over and turn on the radio as the beginning of a song fills the room. I listen for a while before taking a shower and crawling back into bed.

When I wake up, I let my mind travel somewhere else.

If someone told when I was fourteen that my Dad and baby sister would die in a car accident, my Mom would abandon me and I would fall in love with Tori Vega because of it, I think I would have killed them and threw their body into the ocean. But now, I'm laughing because every single thing that made me smile, everything that kept me sane was destroyed, except for Tori. And even I don't have her anymore.

_A few hours earlier…_

"_Hey." I say into the phone with a nervous laugh._

"_Hey, Jade."_

"_So, why'd you call? I mean… not that you can't, I was just… just, you know, wondering."_

_She laughs._

"_Why are you so nervous?"_

"_I'm not."_

"…_Jade."_

"_I don't know, okay? It's just… I was talking with my Mom a few minutes ago and she said some things."_

"_Go on…"_

_I lick my lips as I tightly close my eyes. "I will, but first I want to know why you called."_

"_Oh, okay. Well… I wanted to talk to you because… I miss you. Cat gave this interesting… talk about you and I and how we are supposed to be together because we're the only people who completely understand one another. But besides that, we need each other… I don't know how to explain it but when we're not together it's like the world is falling apart. And I know you're in England with your Mom, but I want you to come back to LA. I love you, Jade."_

_This isn't happening; this isn't want I want her to say. I just have to tell her this can't happen; she thinks it's the only right thing, that I'm the only right thing, but she's wrong._

"_God, Tori… I'm sorry. I can't do this. Like I said, I was talking to my Mom earlier and she said that we may love each other, and in certain ways we're right for each other, but it's love like this that tears us apart. We were already broken, Tori… and this, us, isn't fixing anything. It's making it worse."_

"_I-"_

"_No. Don't try to deny it because you know it's true, right? We rely so much on the other, and that's why we can't be together."_

"_But… Jade, I don't want to leave you. I need you."_

_I bite my lip as the words spill out of her mouth. She's so broken, it's seems as though she's unfixable._

"_Sometimes it's better to say goodbye." I hang up before I have to hear her say anything again, because I know if she said the right thing, I'd take her back in a heartbeat._

I sigh as I go downstairs to tell my Mom what happened. When I reach the living room, she's sitting on the couch reading fifty shades of grey.

"Uh, Mom?"

"Huh? What? When did you get there?" She says with a nervous laugh as she pushes the book under a pillow. My left eye twitches as I try to not vomit all over the ugly shag carpeting.

"Never mind that…" I mutter. "Anyways, I talked to Tori earlier…"

"What did you say?"

"I told her that we rely too much on each other so that's why we can't be together." I look down at my feet as I shift my weight. "I did the right thing, right?"

She's standing by me now, her arm over my shoulder and my head resting on hers'.

"I think so, yes. And, I know it's hard but you'll both be okay."

I look up at her, tears in the corners of my eyes. "How do you know?"

"I don't. But you two do." She says as we walk into the kitchen. She flashes me an apologetic smile and starts to make coffee. It's now that I realize that this time, Tori and I might not have the answer.

**Tori's POV**

_We rely so much on the other, and that's why we can't be together._

_We were already broken, Tori… and this, us, isn't fixing anything… it's making it worse._

_Our love is tearing us apart. _

There's this point in life where you realize when you did something that is going to affect you forever; and now I know that that thing, was falling in love with Jade. I don't regret it, not one bit; I just wish it wouldn't have lead us down such a destructive path.

It's now that I'm starting to see that there really is no cure for depression, that happiness is an ongoing battle, and if it's one that I'll have to fight for the rest of my life, I wonder if it's worth it. Of course, I might not ever find out.

"Shit." I whisper as I turn onto my street. Instead of pulling into the driveway, I keep driving, I just keep driving. By the time I get to where I wanted to go, it's the middle of the night. I pull to the ledge of the cliff, get out of the car and go sit close to the edge.

Jade and I used to come here all the time; barely anyone knows about it, so it was nice to come here and get away. And for a second, for a millisecond even, I think about what it would be like to free fall. I laugh because I realize that I'm already falling, I'm just waiting to land. But I'm not sure if I'll ever land, or even if I want to; because falling feels good in ways I never thought possible.

There's always happiness in sadness, because happiness is everywhere, but you can't look for it, you have to let it find you. That's what I did, Jade found me and I'm thankful for that. Now all I have to do is wait, and maybe happiness will come out of the shadows for a while. And I know that someday, somewhere in happiness I'll find clarity; and that's just what I need.

I take one last look over the city that is Los Angeles, stand and head back to my car. When I get home, I check my messages; three from Cat, one from Beck and one from my Mom. Most were just asking how I was doing, but the one from my Mom read:

_Hey honey. Your Father and I really miss you and Trina so, we're going to come back home in a few days. Hope you're not too busy for your parents :) _

I smile when I text back.

_Of course not, I'd love to see you guys :) _

I haven't seen my parents or Trina in at least five months, so I'm glad they decided to come to LA. And even though this thought makes me smile, I just wish Jade was here to share this glimpse of happiness with me.

**Chapter six: Demolished. Again, I'm sorry this took so long. I get out of school at 2:50, practice starts at 3:10 and goes until six; and then when I get home, I have to do my homework. As you see, I have a lot on my plate, but I really don't want it to get in the way of my updating, so I'm sorry about that. **

**Jade took her Moms' advice and told Tori that they can't be together. Tori's sad, of course but realizes that she will find happiness, rather it is in Jade or not. **

**Coming up for the last chapter: Will depression, loss, and pain all come together to form clarity, or will they prove to be too strong? **


	7. Chapter 7

It's been three days since my Mom texted me saying that she was coming back to LA to see Trina and I for a while. I'm sitting anxiously on my couch waiting because they're due here any second. I love my parents, but I haven't told them anything about my struggle with depression or with Jade. I just didn't want to disappoint any more people than I already have.

I remember telling them about Katrina and the divorce, and they wanted to come to LA so badly, but they were tied up at work. And it was okay actually because sometimes I just need to be alone to deal with these kinds of things. And I hate it… I freaking hate that I feel so alone, but I never want anyone around. God, I must be more fucked up then I originally thought.

I push myself off the edge of counter when I hear the doorbell. I rush over to the door and open it as I'm wrapped in a tight hug by the three members of my family.

"God, I missed you guys." I say as my Dad laughs into my shoulder.

"We missed you too." He says as we let go. Trina and our parents make their way over to the couch and sit down.

"So good to be home," My Mom says with a smile. We all sit down with water as we catch up; I bite my lip listening to their stories because I know they're going to ask me how it's going, and I'm going to have to tell them everything. And if I'm being completely honest, I don't know if I'm ready to face them yet.

_One hour later…_

I managed to keep them talking for an hour about themselves by asking questions that required long answers, but now I can tell they're out of things to say. Trina left a few minutes ago because she was needed for her job in a few hours, and the drive took just about that long. I'm nervously shaking my leg now, because what if they aren't supportive of everything I'm about to tell them, what if they reject me like a lot of people have? What if-

"Tori, honey?"

"Yeah, Mom?" I reply, snapping myself from my own thoughts.

"Are you okay? You just seem a little distance." She says with a concerned look in her eyes. I sigh and I know there's no getting away from this again, I'll have to tell them.

"I-I uh… actually, I have to tell you guys something… but, y-you have to promise not to hate me or… or anything like that because I don't know how I could handle that."

And then they look at me, with such sadness that I feel bad for doubting that they would just walk away.

"Oh, you know we wouldn't sweetie, we love you." My dad says as he pats my knee, making me smile a little before taking a deep breath.

"Okay… well, you know how when I was fifteen, I started acting, different?" They nod slowly. "Alright well… that year I realized something wasn't right… I didn't feel like myself and I kept questioning everything I did, thinking I wasn't good enough for anyone. But of course I just thought that was part of being my age, turns out the problem was a lot deeper than I thought. I found it really hard to be in school being everything made me nervous, I just felt like everyone was laughing at me, and they actually weren't until later freshman year. I-I started self harming because I just didn't know how to deal with everything. It was all so overwhelming, I just… just felt like a failure."

I take a breath as I look over my parents' face. Sadness mixed with understanding, so I continue.

"And… someone noticed my scars in the bathroom when I rolled up my sleeves to wash my hands, and they told everything. I was the laughing stock of the whole school. "Miss perfect finally messes up" "You're not so perfect anymore" "Congratulations! You went from being perfect to being a failure _and _a loser!" Their words kept circling around in my head, trapping me within my own thoughts, and I just… I couldn't get out! I tried… I tried _so damn hard_ to be normal again, but I couldn't!" I scream as I tear falls down my cheek. Both my parents pull me into a hug as I continue sobbing.

"Honey, shh, no one's perfect, we all make mistakes." My Mom whispers into my hair, both of them pulling me tighter, but I lose my grip and wipe my eyes.

"I get that… I do, but to me it just feels like everyone's better than me." I sniffle. "But… when I went to Hollywood Arts, that was my turn to start over, to try to make something of myself, but I couldn't. I was going to get signed by a huge company but… but they said they couldn't have a fuck up for a role model. I was so hurt… and confused, but then I met Jade and she made everything go away for a while, or so I thought. She just masked the pain… and that was good enough for me."

"What happened with Jade, Vic?" I smile a little when my Dad says this; he only calls me Vic when he's really into the conversation.

"She… I… we… I don't know, Daddy. We love each other, so much that even depression couldn't tear us apart. But then… then Katrina died and, depression has defeated us. I-I don't know what to do… I need her, but our love-"

"Tears you apart." They both whisper silently. I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out so I just nod slowly.

"Y-yeah… how'd you know?" I ask as they look at each other and chuckle.

"Holly?"

"David?"

I look between them waiting for something, anything, until my Mom speaks up.

"Well, you see honey, I used to be in love with this girl-" I gasp. "And your Father here used to be in love with this boy-"

"No way." I say, my mouth open as they shrug.

"It's true, his name was Justin."

"And her name was Elena." Sad and distant looks were in both their eyes, and it made my heart twitch seeing my parents with such longing and sadness present in them. "Long story short, I met her at school and we fell in love, but our love was dangerous; it didn't make it easy for either of us. Our parents started resenting us, and school was even worse. We realized that our love tore us apart rather than bring us together." She sighs.

"And I met Justin at a bookstore; we talked whenever I went in there, and then I found myself going there just to see him, to talk to him. We weren't supposed to fall in love, but we did. It was hard, so hard, and because of that, our love slowly tore us apart too. But you listen to me, Vic, just because Elena and Holly didn't work out, and just because Justin and I didn't work out, does not mean I want you to give up. Anyone can clearly see that you and Jade _belong_ together. It's simple, but it's complicated." He nods in my direction, my mouth still hanging open.

"You can't give up on the most complicated parts, Tori, because that's what the four of us did and something great had to come to an end because of that. Don't let that happen to you and Jade; I don't give two shits what she, or anyone has to say about you two being together. You need to get your girl back, and together, you both need to find your own clarity."

Reason number ten thousand and one why I love my parents. We all smile at each other, tears in our eyes as we have a long family hug.

A few more hours pass and they have left now, after we had a good old family game night with extra cheese pizza and homemade lemonade.

It's now that I know that I have to get Jade back, because I won't make it without her, because she's my clarity, and whether she believes it or not, I am hers.

_One day later…_

**Jade's POV**

I miss her. I miss her so damn much, but I just keep telling myself it's for the best. And it probably is, but I'm starting to question myself. My Mom has been supporting me of whatever decision I make, which is good, but I just don't know what to do.

"Jadelyn, honey, are you okay?" She asks as we walk into Manchester's Food Mart. I nod and give her a half smile.

"Fine, Mom."

"No, you're not. I think y-" She's cut off by her phone beeping. She looks at the number, pulls a confused look and answers; when the person on the other line starts talking she nearly chokes.

"H-How did you get my number?" She whispers, covering the speaker to flash me a nervous smile. "Jadelyn, we uh, we need lots of stuff so, can you go find the onions for the tires okay? I'll be by the checkout if you need more Tori- I mean time, just go find some stuff, a lot of it, okay?" She fumbles. I'm not sure if I should laugh or be deeply concerned, so I take the cart, giving her one last odd look before I apparently look for onions that we need for the tires.

"If I need more Tori?" I repeat my Mom, pulling a confused face before sighing. "Yeah, I could use a dose or two of her right now."

Whatever. I roll my eyes at my own thoughts as I cruise around the store. Manchester is beautiful, don't get me wrong, but their food is shitty. I mean, there are a few good places to eat sure, but it amazingly, makes me miss America.

I continue walking through the store, but I never put anything in the cart. Bored as hell, I check my phone and see I have a message from my Mom:

_Hurry up and get to the car._

I ditch the cart next to another unaccompanied one and speed walk out to our black Volvo. She calmly drives back to our house, glancing at me occasionally. I glance at her, too, trying to figure out why she looks so… conflicted?

Once we get to the house, it was getting dark and I could hear the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks. We walked inside and my Mom told me to go up to my room for a while, so, I listened and headed up the long staircase.

I get into my room and collapse on the bed, letting the comfort of the bed to consume me, but it doesn't work.

_It's the right thing._

I just have to keep telling myself that. But now, for whatever reason, I'm trying to find something to prove me wrong. I reach over, grab my iPod off the desk, plug it into the base and let Pandora do it's thing. Finally, after some songs by Lana Del Rey, and Marina and The Diamonds play, a song I've never heard softly plays out into the room.

_High dive into frozen waves where the past comes back to life._

_Fight fear for the selfish pain, it was worth it every time. _

_Hold still right before we crash, cuz' we both know how this ends._

_A clock ticks, till' it breaks your glass, and I drown in you again._

I'm staring at the ceiling now, letting these unknown words soak into my veins.

'_Cause you are the piece of me, I wish I didn't need._

_Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why._

_If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?_

_If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?_

I swallow and sit up, turning the song off. Trying to ignore what I realize now, (and knew all along), I go take a shower, but by the time I get out I know that song was the 'something' I was looking for to prove me wrong. Of course there were other things, that I just ignored; but this song, I don't know, it just got to me. Maybe she really is my clarity, but, am I hers?

I get dressed and walk downstairs, my Mom waiting for me it seems, sitting on the edge of the white couch.

"Jadelyn… I need to talk to you."

"Okay…" I say, leaning against the railing, motioning for her to continue. She sighs and looks up at the ceiling, running her hands down her face slowly.

"Alright, I need you to answer his question absolutely honestly, understand?" I nod. "Do you still love Tori?"

"Yes." I answer simply. She nods now, a small smile in place on her lips.

"You want to know something, Jadelyn?" I nod again, not really sure where she was going with this. "I think… I think that I was wrong about Tori. As a Mother, recently I've felted compelled to keep you away from anything that hurts you, and it's now I realize that Tori doesn't hurt you, she fixes you, in the weirdest and most uncomprehendible ways. And I'm sorry I wasn't around to see this for myself until now, but I'm telling you, you know you need that girl, correct?"

"Yeah…" I let out a breathy sigh.

"Want to know something else?" She asks with a half smile.

"Sure." I answer, nodding.

"I love you, Jade." She says with watery eyes and a half smile still on her lips. She comes up to me and hugs me as I bury my face into her shoulder. "I know you're not a little kid anymore, but I just thought you should kn-"

"I love you too, Mom." She tightened her arms around me as I said this. It was like I was fourteen again, so young and naïve, but with her right by my side to guide me through it all.

She pulls back and smiles at me, wiping her tears. "Hey, listen, before it gets too dark, why don't you take a walk by the cliffs?"

"Uh, sure, okay." I say as she kisses my forehead. I grab my jacket off the coat hanger and walk out of the door. I walk for a few minutes before reaching the edge of the cliff, standing and looking down at the purple and blue water, sighing in contentment.

I reach for my phone when I hear it vibrate, it's a text from Tori.

_Hey, I know you don't want anything to do with me, but can we talk?_

I look out over the setting sun, the sound of the ocean calming.

_Actually… I was wrong, Tori. I do want something to do with you, I want everything to do with you. _

_I was hoping you'd say that._

I raise my eyebrow when I text back.

_Why's that?_

_Because I'd feel pretty stupid standing here if you didn't._

"What is she talking about?" I whisper to myself before typing a reply.

_Standing where?_

_Turn around…_

My eyes open wide as I read what she sent. Slowly, slowly, I turn on my heels, taking a few steps back from the cliff's edge. I see her standing a few yards away from me, a gentle smile on her face. We walk to each other, keeping a few inches on space between us when we meet.

"_Hey, listen, before it gets too dark, why don't you take a walk by the cliffs?"_

There are few things I could thank my Mom for at the moment, but this, is definitely number one.

Her and I stand there, looking at each other for a few moments before I take her hands in mine.

"Tori…?" I whisper out the question; she squeezes my hands.

"I know Jade, I know." She whispers back, leaning in to press a light and tender kiss on my lips.

"_It's in the darkness that you find your only light." –unknown._

We walk back to the cliff and stand, victorious, on the edge with my arm around her shoulder and hers around my waist. And in this moment, I didn't know if we would make it, but right now seems pretty promising, and that's all the reassurance I need.

**Last chapter: Shot into oblivion. Okay you guys: I want to thank you all so, so, so much for every single bit of support I've gotten for this story. From reviews, follows and favorites to everything in between. I can't express my thanks enough. **

**Fun Fact: I actually got the idea for this story at 4am while eating potato salad. I'm not even joking. **

**This was my favorite of all my stories to write. So, thank you all so much for the encouragement and things of the sort.**

**Could I get one last review? :') **


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